Too Many LG’s At Sanctuary, Says Animal Expert

An official report by the Centre for Asian-Australian Animals (CFAAA) has found an alarmingly high number of LG’s at Sydney venue Sanctuary Bar

The CFAAA released the findings after observing a spike in foot traffic (mostly Nike Legend Reacts and Louboutin Heels) on Friday and Saturday nights.

“The rate of LG’s flocking in at 10pm is simply unsustainable” said spokesperson Josephine Kim.

”They’ve got to do something about the LG population before too many Long Island Iced Tea are consumed”

“Do you know how degrading it is for a bartender to make that $5 dollar cocktail?”

One Sanctuary Bar manager who chose to remain anonymous said while it’s bartenders are under the pump, they’re not as worried about the LG count as Josephine.

“You’ve got to understand, we’ve brought in some poachers to handle the problem”

“We call it the LB rat-pack”

The LB Rat-Pack, as The Native understands, is a group of LB’s (minimum 3) who synchronously wear the same luxury sports wear to the bar and together hunt for LG’s.

“A common rat-pack we see is the popped collar Hilfiger jacket squad” added the manager.

“They’re highly effective at keeping the LG numbers down by taking them to Karaoke and shouting them a line of coke”

“Population control”


Introducing our first ever merch:

The LB x LG Tee


More spice to come.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.