Since the beginning of mankind, Asian people have taken off their shoes before going into their houses. Through an intensive study conducted by the Anthropology Lab of Yapland, they found that the real reason is not to keep the house clean but to actually practice shuffling.
Shuffle [shuhf-uh l] (Verb): Shuffling is an art form in which individuals and groups of people slide on the floor and make random arm movements to heavy beats. Rumoured to have been started in the city central of Melbourne by a group of Asian gangsters looking to explore their creative side, shuffling is one of the two major exports to come out of the city, preceding Will Sparks and the Melbourne Bounce sound.
The study was conducted on 2,000 Asian families in their houses to observe the phenomenon of taking shoes off at the front door. At first it seemed like a simple and effective way to keep the house clean, until all family members, parents, kids and grandparents started sliding around on the floors throughout the day.
“What was thought to have been a dying art from the city of Melbourne has never left. Shuffling is more Asian than classical piano or ping pong. We are genuinely shocked.”
“No wonder their houses are so clean, they’re shuffling the dust off surfaces to Headhunterz and DJ Zany 24/7. ‘Fuck the System’ by Showtek came out as the top song played through the study, the uncles and aunties especially favoured this track.”
The Yap Native tried to reach members of the Hardstyle Klowns (HSK) shuffling crew from the early 2000s, but they were too busy at high level corporate jobs to be fucked to respond to a budding journalism group specialising in super spicy content.
Introducing our first ever merch:
More spice and shuffling to follow.