Despite it being his friends birthday, Brian Chau will get the 9:46pm express train back to Epping after being knocked back from Sydney’s Argyle Nightclub for antisocial behaviour.

During a 30 minute wait in line last weekend, Mr. Chau’s red-faced stare caught the eye of part-time security worker, Moey Dandan.

Seeing an opportunity to get his first kill, Moey got himself ready to ‘send the little cunt home’ at the ID checkpoint.

“How many drinks you had bro”

“Just two I think”

“You think? Why is your face so red?”

Brian would start to explain made-up concepts like ‘Asian Flush’ and ‘enzyme deficiencies’ to Moey.

“…and cos I didn’t take my Zantac tonight, that’s why I look like a tomato, haha..?”

Unable to understand ‘what the fuck the little Asian rat’ was saying, Moey’s brain released an unusual level of the stress hormone cortisol, prompting a classic fight or flight response in the former bodybuilder.

“Nah you’ve had too much to drink. Come with me”

“Wait what do you mean. I’ve had two drinks and I can tell you exactly what they are” said Brian, just slightly raising his voice.

But it was enough for Moey to drag Brian out by his ear.

“If you come within 30 metres of the premise we’ll call the police.”

“Keep walking that way” 

9:58 pm

Now sitting on the back carriage of the train and digging into a perfectly oily Chicken Kebab, Brian is faced with two options:

  1. Get a good night’s sleep so he can be fresh for tomorrow’s bay run with Melissa, a girl he’s been trying to bag for a month now.
  2. Satisfy his other primal need by watching porn or some variation.

As he flicks through Instagram he sees an eye catching bikini shot from Melissa. Pausing for a minute, Brian makes his decision.

“Porque no los dos” he whispers to himself.

More spice to come.

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