CHIVALRY IS DEAD
Timothy Liu was already on thin ice for getting his girlfriend Pandora for the sixth year in a row for Valentines day, but this stunt was the last straw.
Being a 29 stay-at-home millionaire is no easy feat. To stay on top of his Mount Everest of savings, Tim has a weapon called ‘Beem It’.
Beem It is an excellent application to have on your phone. If you have friends who never pay you back, and require you to send 6 follow up texts to get even $2 back, Beem It is for you.
He treats it as his superpower, whenever his friends force him to come out and spend money, he can ‘Beem’ them to split payments.
This ensures that he always gets his money back.
And he’s proud of it, as an auditor at Pitcher Partners with his Chartered Accountant certification, he lives and breathes numbers matching up, especially in his own bank account.
Knowing Tim was a cheap cunt and to make amends for his shit Valentines present, his girlfriend Vivienne forced him to take her out to Quay Restaraunt, one of the wankiest fine dining places you can go to in Sydney.
“Can’t we just eat at KBBQ instead? It’s better value for money yo” Tim sighs
“Shut up, you’re going to make up for buying me another Pandora charm, and not proposing” Vivienne snaps back.
After blowing a generous $600 on tiny morsels of steak, scallop, and zero Snow Egg desserts, Tim’s core values of being a frugal cheap loser have been broken. He needs redemption now.
He requests a ‘Beem’ from Vivienne that night, with the description “Happy Valentines babe xx”
The following morning, Vivienne has texted “it’s over babe xx”.
She’s also removed her love heart emoji from her Instagram profile, and changed her Facebook profile to single.
Strangely enough, Tim doesn’t feel much, except the powerful sensation that he can pursue his Twitch gaming career without any distractions.
Introducing our first ever merch:
More late 20s boys-2-men stories to come.