Melbourne’s Tullamarine Airport hasn’t had much attention or staff activity ever since reality tv series Airways was cancelled in 2012.

That however, is about to change when Tiger Airways flight TG45 touches down at 10am Saturday.

Onboard the aircraft, is part-time DD (drug dealer) and part-time fitness instructor, Kevin Truong.

Kevin is reading ‘How To Fuck Shit Up in Melbourne, Sydney Style’ and is ready to try out some of the tips we’ve recommended:

1. Inform your Facebook friends that you will be fucking shit up

What’s the point in a Melbs trip if no one knows?

‘Kevin Truong was travelling to Melbourne, Australia from Sydney Australia” read’s the 26 year olds latest Facebook status.

“Keen to FSU – watch out Melbs”

2. Get eggs bener-dick with the boys

First on Kevin’s agenda for the trip is brunch with the boys at Hardware Societe.

“Probs get some eggs bener-dick first cuz” says Kev, laying out the plan to his other Sydney mate, Johnny Le.

“Get some fresh Ultraboost too”

3. Chin Chin’s, for dins

Once the daytime is sorted, there will be the main event of the weekend.

It will start with a modest dinner and pre-drinks at the original Chin Chins. Again, with the boys.

“Tell Alex eight thirty”

Kevin should aim for a pinkish shade of Asian flush before asking for the bill.

4. Get a table at Scarlett Nightclub and let everyone know you are from Sydney

When everyone has built up their liquid confidence, it’s onto the iconic Scarlett Nightclub.

“Melbourne Gangas love Sydney guys, especially if you can muzz”

“We’re getting a table too”

The females of Sydney’s ‘little cousin’ will be caught by the irresistible charm of Kevin and his boys, and then it’s off to kick-ons.

5. Take your drugs and some Melbourne LG’s to Revolver

At this point, Kevin will have an excess of drugs and most likely, female company, so it’s best he takes an Uber to Revolver for a serving of bass, fury walls and scat vibes.

“Why don’t they play trance here?”

Update

It’s been revealed that over the 48 hour period, Kevin and his crew managed spend a total of $4,000 in drug, food, clothing and alcohol expenses. Sources confirm that one of the crew managed to makeout with a 19 year old female at the nightclub.

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