Single Life Is Even Worse Being Asian, New Research Shows

People without romantic partners are often stigmatized in our society. And if your Asian, there appears to be no hope.

A new study by has revealed that being alone as an Asian is roughly 8 times worse than doing it solo as a non-Asian.

Head honcho of the research Dr. Penelope Greensburg says the ‘shitshow’ that is single Asian life has been going on longer than we think.

“Hookup culture is taboo, most of your friends in relationships are tightly cuffed…relatives asking you bout marriage from the age of 8.”

“It’s quite toxic if you ask me”

The study points to a case study involving a mostly Christian Korean girl Jessica Nam (23). Nam is constantly jealous of her white work friends, who can openly ‘slut it up’ when single.

“I can’t just go hookup with somebody at Church. These things go around [I-mean-like] every Korean in Sydney knows each other you know?

“Although I could go on Contiki tour…”

One male subject of the study Ting Lee Kwon (25) says it’s the online experience that’s perhaps the most savage.

“I once auctioned myself in Subtle Asian Dating and instead got roasted for my haircut.”

“It’s just a circle jerk for physically attractive people. There’s no such thing as hidden beauty.”

“Don’t even talk about Tinder, I’m basically un-swipeable to any girl who doesn’t look like they just arrived in Melbourne from Beijing.”

“They see my name and selfie with bubble tea straw in mouth and next thing you know the match never existed.”

Dr. Penelope notes that while the online space takes no prisoners, it may not be as bad for white-washed Asian girls.

“Now sure, it’s partly because your fetishised.”

“But if you primarily wear summer dresses from Camilla and speak like you’re from the North Shore then you’re at least generating some dates from Cameron Darcy-Jones.”

As single life for Asians remains muddied, Penelope looks forward to her dinner tonight with her 3rd boyfriend in 3 weeks.


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