Study Finds: Yes, You Will Have Another Shot of Soju and Yes, Karaoke Is On The Table

A recent report by the University of South-Western Sydney, Haymarket Campus has found that while drinking the Korean beverage Soju, one shot will definitely not be enough, with cocaine and karaoke an almost guaranteed.

From the eight Korean BBQ venues observed in the longitudinal study, results indicate a 4 in 5 chance of taking a second shot when consuming Soju in groups of two or more.

Furthermore the chances of accepting a third and fourth shot increase by 95% when preceded by verbal and physical abuse from friends and acquaintances.

Local rice-wine lover and nose-beer enthusiast Truong ‘Eeetz’ Chua has detailed this process of socially sanctioned suicide “When I’m with my boy Brandon on a Friday night it’s EZ bruthah.”

“Once I point my finger, tell him ‘Don’t be a softcock’ that shit becomes mothers milk to a child.”

The phenomena known colloquially as ‘Korean Seppuku” has been attributed as symptom of ‘Toxic Asian Australian Masculinity’.

Lead researcher at the Yapland Institute of Psychology, Persephone Fang notes “while not exclusive to a particular demographic, there is a strong correlation with this behaviour and East-Asian males, usually aged 18-25, dressed in expensive lifestyle wear such as Tommy Hilfiger, who possess almost homoerotic levels of gym attendance.”

“Frankly it’s f*ck%n chat.”

More spice to come.

 

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