University Exam Hall To Feature Eftpos Bribe Machine For International Students

University Exam Hall To Feature Eftpos Bribe Machine For International Students


In a world first innovation, the University of New South Yapland will be adding an eftpos machine to its examination halls. 

The machine will be reserved specifically for international students who are are unlikely to pass an English-based written exam but who have enough money to help UNSY build either another walkway or business school.

“It’s a win-win when you think about it” said spokesperson Brian Wong.

“They get to donate to this great school, and in return they get a pass.”

The move to streamline the exam process for FOB’s comes after a decade of streamlining the acceptance process through high tuition fees and adding a cheeky trimester or three.

“We’re just applying the same rules to exam. It’s always been a first pay, first application successful basis”.

“Now we’re adding first pay, first pass”

Coined as process consolidation, the move will allow students to pay the following:

  • $1,000 for a pass
  • $2,000 for a credit
  • $3,000 for distinction and above

While the move has drawn some criticism from local students, it seems UNSY simply does not give a fuck.

“Yeah well… we also do money order and bank cheque” Added Brian.

“Cash too if you’re after an old-fashioned discount”

As exam period is set to kick into gear this November, Fobs like UNSY’s Xianing Won Zhu won’t be doing any studying. 

Instead, you’ll find him at the local basketball court yelling foul or getting bubble tea in Chinatown.

When we approached Zhu for comment he pulled out his debit card thinking we were exam officers.

More spice to come. 

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